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I feel very accomplished. /start gloating I had a buddy come over who was in need of some "release". We shall call said buddy Mr. Navy man. Mr. Navy man asked me if I could finger his butt. Me, being the nice person I am, obliged and found his prostate and started massaging the shit out of it. While I worked his knob with my mouf. He had the "most intense orgasm" he's every experience, according to him. Mr. Navy man said he'd call me later today for more "release". I love being able to do that for someone. /end gloating Current Location: 85024
Current Mood:  accomplished
Current Music: Deep Fried Paradise on Travel Channel
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This is disgustingly true at the moment, my Color Genics test. You are a very sensitive person and you try hard (perhaps a little too hard) to make favourable impressions and to be recognised by your peers. But you have that inherent need to feel appreciated and admired and you are easily hurt if all of your endeavours go by unappreciated or not acknowledged. Stop trying so hard. You are trying to build up your own position and you resist all external influences. You insist that you are your own person and you will not tolerate any outside interference. Decisive and proud, you are true managerial material. You are being unduly influenced by the situation that is all around you. You do not like the feeling of loneliness and whatever it is that seems to separate you from others. You know that life can be wonderful and you are anxious to experience life in all its aspects, to live it to the full. You therefore resent any restriction or limitations that are being imposed on you and you insist on going it alone. You are confined and trapped in a distressing or uncomfortable situation and seeking some way out. Whatever you seem to do to resolve the problem hasn't worked out. Fortunately you are able to gain some aspect of relief from someone close to you. You are very talented, imaginative and sensitive but you are holding back as you do not really like going it 'on your own'. In preference you would like to team up with someone, someone with similar attributes as your own, to explore - to seek out and go perhaps 'where no other man has trod before'. It is the unusual that attracts you and which will give you a sense of excitement and adventure. Current Location: Living Room
Current Mood:  hopeful
Current Music: Family Guy
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I wonder if everyone feels the same way I do sometimes? Like they aren't desireable, or sexy, or cute, or whatever? I wonder if others find it hard to trust and let go? Do you feel that way? How do you work thru it? How do you get past it? I wonder if you ever think that you don't fit in? If you feel misplaced in your life? If you truly feel like you know who you are? How did you find yourself? Maybe I shouldn't be so inquisitive about how others do it and focus on myself? Current Location: Living Room
Current Mood: hopeful
Current Music: The Sound of Music
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Bahhhh! It's been quite awhile since my last update, so here's another one. There is quite a bit of information to cover as usual. So to keep up we have another schedule : Work, Home, Love, 4th of July, Others.
Work
Work is going well. I am #1 right now and that feels nice. All these people are asking me how I do it too. Ummmm I don't really have anything else except work. I have basically no love life, no social agenda or anything going for me except work. Sad, I know, but it's what I have. I desperately need to find a balance between work and having other interests. We are testing a new program at work and the testing is going well, no real snags except a few minor glitches and bugs. These are all normal for problems with beta testing. I get time off the phone for these problems too, but though I like not having to deal with stupid people, I feel unproductive to say the least. Because of my status at work I have people wanting to sit and listen to my calls to see how I do all I do. My response is simple to them, I do my job and nothing more. Though they get to see how horrible I actually am to customers on the phone. I know it's something I have to work on too, and they all know that before even getting on the phone to listen with me. I tell them that though I excel in areas of work, I fail miserably in others. I think they are genuinely surprised by how miserably I fail as well, not understanding how I can produce the results I do, with how I act. I especially think that my manager has known about this for awhile and is working to curb this in me. Honestly I want to do everything I can to make him happy and not look at me as a liability. And honestly there is a manager I sit by that acts nice to my face, but I'm sure is working behind my back to boot me out. So I'm working to change the way I act on the phone, just to spite him and everyone that doesn't like me. I'm going to be an ever-present thorn in YOUR side for as long as I choose to be. I'm not going anywhere for anyone, I'll go for me and me only if it's the best thing for me.
Home
Things at home are just fine. We were supposed to have another roommate take over my old room since I claimed the master bedroom at the house...and he flaked. Valid flake reason, but a flake nonetheless. Dustin has been stepping it up and cleaned out his bathroom and the kitchen really well and it looks absolutely lovely. My thanks to him. I am often amazed that we are friends, let alone living together for that matter. And that's all there Love
None. 4th of July
4th of July is fastly approaching and I am uber excited because I am headed to Vegas for the celebration. I already have the days off from work and the hotel is booked. Even if people that were invited don't go, Dustin and I will be there. I might let my inner whore out for a bit because I've yet to really do that. But I'm just down for having a good time and doing the damn thing. Others
Random bits here and there. Jenna is moving to Sierra Vista, and I'm not happy about that. I just got her back and now it feels like I'm losing her again. I'm glad she's happy though. And I realized that I am a miser. I enjoy other people's pain and discomfort because then I don't have to focus on my own. Lame...I'm done now..k bye!
Current Location: Living room
Current Mood:  blank
Current Music: Gilmore Girls
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Below is a message I received from a boy that I was courting and was courting me. LAME! From: Nick To: Anthony Date: Feb 12, 2009 7:29 AM Subject: RE: No Subject hey so heres the thing....im sick again...my car got impounded yesterday. my phone is off. i have nothing but bad luck and bad news here to offer. I am going to have to cancel valentines day indefinitely. in regards to us well being totally honest with myself there really isnt alot to say...i mean we talked laughed and it was good...but you were right...once we did (stuff)...it changed...it felt different...and i know you felt something change too.. i dont feel the urge to continue with this courtship. i truly wish you all the best...i wish you meet the man of your dreams...but we both know that certainly is not me. if you feel negative towards me i understand...but know i dont towards you at all... nick And this was my response:
I did feel the change after we had that kind of "fun". You got distant and that hurt. I'm not sure if it was your intention to make it that way and I was looking forward to having a nice Valentine's Day with someone I liked and liked spending time with. I'm sorry for the circumstances of you getting sick and your car being impounded. I, in no way, feel negative in regards to you. Though I am upset about the way this was done, because it is somewhat childish. I think you are putting yourself down when saying that I should be finding the man of my dreams when you could have possibly been that man. I suppose we'll never know at this juncture. Best of luck in everything you want. Anthony Sooooo I think I handled it pretty well, but I'm feeling vexed and I'm going to do some button mashing in Super Smash Bros. Brawl. Current Location: Bed
Current Mood:  irritated
Current Music: Super Smash Bros. Brawl
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So I figure not that many people read this, but I might as well update it for those who do and for my own sanity. We have a list and schedule to keep to and it is as follows : work, school, friends, home life, family, love life, Nick, Alex, holidays and whatever else I decide to throw in there. Work Work has been going okay so far. I'm doing my best to show my Team Leader (Manager) that I am a valuable asset and someone to keep around. I have some of the highest numbers in the call center environment and am ecstatic to have those. I find that I like things when I do better than others. I also like people who do better than me because it gives me some healthy competition. I thrive on that in any setting really. We have a massive schedule change for the entirety of tech support coming up in the next week or so. Luckily for me we get the shifts based upon the last 3 months of our work...and before when I said I was stellar I am ever so happy about this. I am hopefully going to get a good shift or at least get one close to what I work already and keep my same TL/Manager. I <3 him. I am also helping out in our Customer Retention department too because they are short staffed at the moment. I've been working over there since the start of January and it's definitely a change from what Tech Support is like. People in this department are happy, laughing, joking around....which is a complete change from Tech Support. Tech Support seems to have a perpetual dark cloud that lingers over it and people are not happy in that department. The energy in Retention is completely different and upbeat and shiny....a perfect environment for me! I'm showing that I am good asset to them over there too. I am working OT when they offer it and even pushing for it at this point too. I worked 12 hours the last check and it was nice and I'm going to keep working OT because it helps me look good to them and it helps me pay off my credit card debt. I am also trying to help out new people on my team at work by creating spreadsheets of prices/charges and all that junk as quick references so that they can refer to that instead of trying to search for the information. It's nice to be able to help out, but I hope my TL doesn't think I'm stepping on his toes, because I don't want his job, but I just want to keep mine and further myself. School School and work are linked in the fact that work offers tuition reimbursement for classes that apply towards the business. Sooo I can shoot for a business degree or communications and they front the cost after I show that I passed the class. I am hoping to enroll by Fall/Winter semester of this year. I need to make sure that I save monies too so that I can put up the money for the classes that they will reimburse later. Ideally I'd like something besides a business degree, but it's a start. I'd like to eventually get into Human Resources because I like the study of ethics and applying it to daily life. Most would say that I am extremely ethical and karma oriented. These go hand in hand to me! Friends My circle of friends has dwindled as of late and I don't mind that. Smaller group of friends means less people I have to spend time with and spend money with or on. It's expensive to have lots of friends of people to go out with, and with mounting credit card debt I really don't need to be spending money on frivilous things. Dustin and I are still peachy keen and things are good there. We are still roommates and things are the same there, he's still a pig and I'm still the mother hen...LOL. Nothing has changed with that. The other roommate, Kyle, is supposedly moving out soon according to a Myspace update he posted the other day. That means we might have a room for rent and I'll finally be rid of that damn cat he has, constantly mewling. I honestly can't say I'm going to be sad when Kyle moves out, we never really became friends. It's hard for someone to come in here and mesh well with Dustin and I because we are such good friends. I do feel sorry for others that will move in to take Kyle's place, because they are coming into a twosome environment and trying to make it a threesome (non-dirty) environment, which is tough to do. Jenna is back from Kansas, THANK GOD! I'm glad to have my BFF and hag back after her being gone so long. I was a sad panda while she was gone. She's back permanently now too, working and just got a new car and I couldn't be happier with that. I have other friends that I speak to infrequently, but are still treasures that I hold dear. So just because I didn't mention you, doesn't mean I'm not happy to have you in my life, BITCH! Home Life Home life is fantastic. I am working to maintain the house and dreaming of doing things to it to spruce it up. I want to completely tear apart the backyard myself and plant grass back there so that eventually we could get some animals. I'd also like to turn a part of the backyard into a garden type place too. I think I'm going to start tearing it apart on Sunday as I didn't do it that last 4 days I had off because I was lazy. I need to get a rake, shovel, a few hoes...LOL We have lots of rock and mini boulders that I'd like to clear out to give a nice flat area to play in. All the more better when I do get dogs because then we have grass for poopy and everything. I want to clear a space in the backyard for a ritual area as well, because I decided I need to be more spiritual and I want to be as well. I want to be able to be in tune with myself, energy of the cosmos, and nature. I know I have a lot of work ahead of me too, as well as acquiring my ritual tools and blessing them and everything. I don't want to be known as a part time Wiccan, and I'm willing to dedicate time to furthering that goal. I've been shopping at this new store I discovered called Fresh and Easy. Their products are heavenly, delicious, and inexpensive. I particularly recommend the dark chocolate Gelato they have. The 3 cheese pasta sauce is delicious too when paired with some penne pasta and some 98% lean ground beef. Add some taco seasoning and it gives it a nice pizzazz . Family Family is doing okay from what I hear. Suzanne was over the other day for help doing her taxes. I found out my mom is redoing the countertops too after 20 years. Also my little brother is still being a little crap and hooligan and failed most of his classes last semester..so time will tell if he actually graduates on time with his classmates or has to be held back. My older sister Codi is pregnant so I am going to have a niece or nephew around my birthday time....YAY! I don't know if it's a boy or girl yet, but I plan on calling her on Sunday when I get my free nights and weekends and catching up with her and getting updated on her lovely husband Josh. I should also call my oldest sister Beverly as well to catch up with her...I suppose I'll do this on Sunday when the free nights and weekends is in full effect. Love life My love life has seen a resurrection of sorts lately, which segues into the next 2 topics, which I will just talk about here! So I reconnected with Alex and was pleased to hear that he was doing well, coming up on a year of sobriety and him wanting to hang out. I've always liked Alex since meeting him over a year ago, but always got mixed signals from him when it came to dating. Which came to full blown awkwardness at the Ugly Sweater party where there was making out and skeet skeet action. Well we reconnected and I had him over for dinner and then he decided that he wasn't ready for a relationship or something and blew me off. We had made plans to go to Sedona for his birthday too and spend 2 days up there. I was told to cancel my PTO (Paid Time Off) requests for those days because he needed to "think". So I cancelled my PTO and moved on, because I'm not going to wait around for anyone anymore I decided. This leads to a wonderful man named Nick who messaged me on Myspace. He actually read my profile and wrote me asking for more information and wanting to actually get to know me. Which, in and of itself, is strange for myspace. Usually you look at someone's profile briefly, skimming interests and then you look at the pictures to see if their cute and then you friend request them. He went about things much differently and proceeded to get to know me before actually friend requesting me. I can say that I genuinely like this one and am hoping for the best, but not wanting to rush things like I tend to do. I'll keep ya'll informed! Holidays Thanksgiving was fun. I spent it with a good friend, Muriel, and her folks. I had the best candied yams of my life and the moistest turkey EVAR! I also worked on Thanksgiving and Christmas for that matter...because it's double time. That's a good paycheck, let me tell you! Christmas was uneventful. I spent all of an hour at my mom's house catching up and picking up my Christmas present(s). I was also driving on a donut for my tire during this time too because I rolled over a screw that embedded itself in my tire....LAME! I finally got that fixed last week....because I was broke and also got my oil changed and my tranny flushed. I also had to get some brake work done because my front passenger side brake decided to stick because of the damn caliper. It was horrible and cost like $168 to fix. To which I had to borrow monies from Dustin to get it done because I didn't get paid until that Friday and needed them to be repaired like ASAP. While we were there too one of the greasy mechanics asked us if we were together....I got confused and thankfully Dustin thinking on his feet said "No..." I had to ask for clarification when we got outside after I was like "KTHXBAI!" It was hilarious and rude on his part too. I would never ask people, let alone customers, if they are together! That's just rude! So I think that catches up and fills in the gap between postings. Until next time! Current Location: Living Room Wireless
Current Mood:  cold
Current Music: Ladytron - Playgirl
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So it's been some time since updating, I figured I'd update. Dustin says that he's moving to Tempe this summer, and I find that I'm just used to people leaving me that I don't really care anymore. And I know I should be happy that he's doing soomething with his life, and I'm too scared to fall flat on my face to do anything, but I'm not. I helped Muriel move yesterday and am proud to say that her parents love me! I even got invited to Thanksgiving dinner and I fixed their screen door for the front door. It's amazing what I can do with a screwdriver, eh!? Saw Kathy Griffin on Friday and that was hilarious. I had so much fun there and am seriously jealous that she got to spend her birthday with Cher! That would be so awesome to do, but I'm not a celebrity to be able to break into that bubble. I'm talking to this guy Sean and I think he's nice, but have yet to meet him in person. We got set up talking thru some mutual friends who talked me up to him and everything, which was really nice of them. I suppose we'll see how it goes, I'm not holding my breath. I had some booty bounce time today and I think I'm good for the next year or so...LoL. Well that's my mini update for now, I'm sure I'll having something more insightful to say later. Current Location: Living Room
Current Mood: cold
Current Music: Elton John - Benny and the Jets
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depthsoflight's journal
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